Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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