WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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