i would punch a child for taco bell
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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