in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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