we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I forget how to act sober
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