just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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