Moan for me like Helen Keller
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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