I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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