He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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