its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
