Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
