i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
