Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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