just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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