I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
