Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
