WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
