Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
