Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
