I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
