LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
