I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
