I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
