You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
