I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You are a booty call, not a friend.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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