If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
