Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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