dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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