I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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