So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So here I am, sexting at work.
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