Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
