wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
