ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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