I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
