i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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