she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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