First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think pants incapable of making pants work
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
