Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
