I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The Olympian is in my bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
