she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My ass is underappreciated
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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