my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
