there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
