I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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