so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
