i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
