It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
