so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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