When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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