haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love having hate sex.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
