So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
