fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
