i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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