He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
