Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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