I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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