Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and you said cock pushups were impossible
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
