At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
