Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
