that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
