giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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