Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
