we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
