I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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