so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
