So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
