There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
