I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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