he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
