So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
