He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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