I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
