I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
