We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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