I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
