i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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